I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
