Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
