The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
