he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
