My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's shark week go big or go home
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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