That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
