I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So here I am, sexting at work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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