Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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