She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
