I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
