Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
