Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
