This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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