Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
