No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
