My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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