Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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