Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
