don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
