She's JV to your varsity
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
