O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
