i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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