Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
