she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
