why didn't you poke me back
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
