I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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