Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You pole danced in your parka.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
