We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
