took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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