very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
