I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
