So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
