fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
