On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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