chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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