I'm so fucking centered right now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
