i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
