You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
