1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
