The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
