They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
