I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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