How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
