So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
