You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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