New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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