I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
