got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
