you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
