Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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