yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
