you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
