Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
