some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
