Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
